Compu-Fun Texts »
04.02.2003 von guido
How do you trap a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a shampoo bottle that says: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?
Today Windows 2000 release delayed until secondquarter 1901!!!
One day Bill Gates dies...
God meets up with him and tells him since he's been so good to the world
with his software and all that he could choose where he wants to go.
So Bill Gates decides he wants to go to see hell first before he chooses.
God leads him to hell and Bill Gates is amazed with the beauty of it.
It has a beach with ladies in bikinis running around and alot of good stuff.
Bill Gates says " if this is hell lets see heaven!"
So God takes him to heaven and there it is real peaceful and glittery.
Its a calm place with mansions every which way.
Then God asks him where he wants to go.
Bill Gates answers " I want to go to hell."
****2 weeks later****
God goes down to see how Bill Gates is doing and he sees Bill Gates pinned
to the wall being struck with a wip.
Bill Gates yells "why did it look so pretty before?!?"
God answers "That was just the screen saver"
"The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary"
- Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
- Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
- The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
- Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!
- Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
- Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
- Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!
- Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
- Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
- Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
- Seventh day: rested.
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when...
- You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
- You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
- You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
- You start using smileys in your snail mail.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
- You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
- When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
- You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
- You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.
- Your family always knows where you are.
- In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"
- After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
12-Step program of recovery for WEB addicts
- I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
- I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
- I will get dressed before noon.
- I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
- I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
- I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
- I will read a book... if I still remember how.
- I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
- I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
- I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
- I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
- Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
Why can't MICROSOFT built any cars?
Cause when an accident happens the airbag always asks: "Are you sure?"
A friend of mine - a computerman
Went out for a date with a rather shy girl named Kate. By accident it happened that I sat in the same cafe when they were already there. A minute later I heard George saying: "Please Kate, you are making me real nervous! Stop blinking at me like a CURSOR!!!"
Typical problem with my PC:
Keyboard Error: No Keyboard
Press any key to continue.
Know why Macintosh is better than Windows?
They knew the millenium was gonna change!
BILL GATES PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!
DOS: Defective Operating System.
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Falls Teenagers.
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing.